Personal growth not man hating feminism

In the beginning, humans were hunter gatherers. Women were the centre of a tribe of 30-60 people, we believe from archaeological evidence. They would gather the fruits of the forest with the children and the men would hunt for game. The men would return periodically with meat and they would all have a feast. This was only 10,000 years ago and it is unlikely that humanity has evolved psychologically since then.

It is thought the game died out in northern Europe and people had to adopt agriculture. This was much harder work, people were divided into families to work the land and women had to produce a lot of babies. Despite this the population remained relatively stable. The system dictated that men were in charge as they spent time outside the home and it made for a unitary system of organisation.

Although this appears unfair, there was no issue of rights then, only struggle for survival. If the man was good, he would care for the woman. If the women were smart, she they knew how to influence him. The agrarian revolution led to a surplus of crops allowing the industrial revolution. About 150 years ago in England, conditions for the working people had improved. 100 years later the patriarchal society was starting to break down as women found emancipation in the social revolution. The oral contraception in 1965 allowed women to make their own choices in work and lifestyle.

It seems in the West, the social revolution has stalled and may even be going backwards. Money and self-interest have replaced peace and love. Women’s rights have developed into women’s wants as there is nothing to halt their desire for more. Feminism as a combat strategy seems effective enough, but as a way of life it is not balanced. If society is run only by feelings, assumptions and manipulation, truth and reality have gone out of the window. Feelings are not truth. They have to be challenged and harnessed. They are not consistent, an offence must have caused definite harm, not perceived harm based on imagination.  The effect is to suppress, control and exploit men. If women are to be in control, why does it have to be an emotional tyranny? Why do all aspects of our masculinity have to be removed?

Men don’t change we can only lie and women don’t like that either. If women are in control, and I don’t remember having the choice, there appears to be little care for men. There can be no discussion, criticism or explanation. If this remains unchecked it will ultimately be the death of the human race, certainly the death of England.

These statements will no doubt be offensive to some women and I accept that. Well most men I know are offended by feminism. But talking about it is futile, women have concluded that they have been hard done by historically and it is their time to get what they want. If you look at the great emancipators, Gandhi, King and Mandela, they did not demonise their oppressor’s, they showed love and united their communities. They saw no sense in replacing one tyranny with another. In the 1970’s, men and women, boys and girls were all equal but different. Feminism rather than a political movement to right the wrongs of the past, appears to have started to believe its own propaganda and does not know when to stop. It appears to create a climate of sexual repression by self-denial and then throw all sorts of accusations at men in general.

After many years of thought I have concluded that feminism is wrong. I see going on a date and trying to seduce a woman as a totally pointless exercise with far more risk than reward. This has been the case with men I know for a long time, but women have not noticed and still believe their own statements. Perhaps if we build a wall along the equator and men had the north and women the south we could have separate development. But seriously there is no future in a gender war, for our survival it can only end one way.

Back in the hunter-gatherer’s era, if you met large scary animal, adrenaline kicked in. You could run or you could fight. The only purpose in running is to regroup to get stronger and go back and defeat the animal and eat it of course. Women were always as capable as hunters, but their biology made them mothers. Now it appears women surround themselves with things that make them happy and make anything that annoys them illegal. There is no toleration of anything male, and no patience in trying to get the best out of men. If you don’t face up to your challenges you will not be able to deal with anything more difficult. It is no surprise to me that mental illness among children, especially girls is on the rise, as young people do not get much encouragement to face stressful situations and learn to deal with them.

If you are continually fighting men, blaming men, hating men, not rising to the challenge of dealing with men and controlling men by manipulation, you breed shallow, weak, selfish, unattractive and uninteresting people. There are always ways to make yourself stronger. The answer is within you. Do not shrink from the challenge that life gives you. Go out and meet that challenge and become a better and more likeable person. It takes work, it takes pain and it takes time. But only you can do it. Why choose the painkiller, the temporary fix when you can take a course of anti-biotics and solve the problem. Why do cocaine when depressed! Insane. Instead listen to some reflective music, that makes you think, maybe drink a glass of cheap wine and face your problems yourself and you could find a solution. That is the purpose of feeling blue, use it.

Joni Mitchell knew about that, she was an independent woman. She had polio as a kid and could not form guitar chords with her hand. So instead of giving up she retuned her guitar and created a new technique and a unique and beautiful sound. She did not know surrender and she was a beautiful feminine person. She also had blue times. She rejected her partner to carry on her career, did not like fame and fortune and went to live in the Canadian woods. She read many psychology books and threw them all against the wall in disgust. Eventually she decided that her mood was an experience that encouraged her creativity. Her life was the most fascinating, her music has the most depth, meaning and pathos. It truly is about the condition of life.

To be honest Joni found herself by force of circumstance, just as many women do when they give birth and become mothers. It is in adversity you find yourself. Why not see mishaps in life as opportunities to grow. As Alanis says,

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You love you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you laugh

You chose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn

Take responsibility for your life. Improve on your good points and minimise and manage your bad points. Forgive everyone, especially yourself, find confidence and assertiveness. It is a long, slow, hard, lonely walk, but it is what life is about and it is the only way it happens. It is what true emotional healing is. Do not take the short cuts, they never work in things of great magnitude like your life. You can be beautiful, gorgeous, talented, useful and interesting. Or you could manipulate men into buying you bags and shoes you never use that make feel better for half an hour.

You know that is now illegal to call women birds. I don’t know why they have beautiful plumage, they sing, they fly, they build nests, they are streamlined, they are resourceful and some do a lot of overseas travelling. Ok, Ok, but seriously, some men want to protect you and look after you while others of us want to see you fly. If you come back to us, we will only too pleased to see you again.

Men cannot help you in your personal development, partly because we have no idea what goes on inside your heads anyway. I believe that 90% of us mature ones are there for you and you don’t have to compete with us. See the Italian men and the way the Italian women are so cool at handling their overt sexuality. Why shrink back and be defensive and short term in your personal life. Take the decision, become who you were really meant to be. Because on this planet the only unconditional love you can possibly find is for yourself. Godspeed.

I wonder if true happiness can be found in feminism. It may free women from male oppression, real or imaginary, but does it empower them personally and does it create better relationships. It cannot create equality since it is so one sided, but I think it has gone way beyond that. We may not have achieved equality, but we never really do. I believe in relationships people should be treated equally even if they are not equal. By dividing up the areas where two people’s lives intersect and agreeing on who is responsible for each area, couples can have productive and equal lives without fighting each other as much.

This has to happen at all costs. If men and women come together in personal growth, equality, love, truth and peace then the social revolution can start again on a better and more secure footing. Choose positive growth, don’t do it at someone else’s expense.

There may be many dangers ahead and we need to be strong enough to face them together. People on their own are just animals, so be an organised community and work together in balance, sacrificial love and truth.

Conway-Laird (2016)


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