Man Management

How do you manage a man? We are dirty, drunk, lazy, obsessive, selfish and violent. We need to change to be perfect little robots, like girls! No only kidding. I get it, blokes do present behavioural problems to women. There appears to be an expectation in England that men should be controlled, changed and put under the thumb so women can get the most out of them. But, suppressed, repressed and depressed, we just don’t appear to be reaching our potential and have failed to respond to female management techniques.

Try again ladies, it’s not working. In England there appears to be a tendency to believe that things don’t change, people need to change to be accepted in society. Plans are made, and people are expected to fit in with them. They become part of the machine and strive for……whatever! It seems to me that whether men or women are in control, we are expected to change ourselves and become something that we are not.

I believe in self actualisation and getting the best out of ourselves through personal development. That development is exactly that, personal, nobody else’s business. When reaching these goals, people become free to help others. There is a famous quote wrongly attributed to Mandela that I am going to share with you.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Who are you not to be? You are a child of God, you’re playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened in shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give people the permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Life is about the health, wealth and the pursuit of happiness. Personal development is a vital part of that. But in England it is something that gets subsumed into the unchanging machine.

So, if you have a man that is causing you bother. Maybe allow him to be himself and develop in his own way and see if he can improve. It is worth considering the effect people have on other people. If someone is angry, is that wholly their fault, or is it partly the fault of those who pushed their buttons? Should they be judged by the unchanging nature of the mob in England, or is that an individual issue. Men have a tendency to drink, they can often do that when they are on their own. Maybe it is because there are few ways of dealing with their emotions in that situation. If you perceive that a man drinks too much, rather than demand abstinence, be smart. Find out why and maybe replace the drink with an alternative healthier option.

Thirty years ago, I would pay £7, to stand at my football club and hurl abuse at West Ham or whoever. Now there is no outlet for that natural aggression in a man. Football is far too expensive, and you are not allowed to say anything nasty as football is uniting the world. Bollacks!

If you have a man, he is not your property Girls, he is a human being. We have our uses and maybe you should consider better management techniques. Now all I see are lies, manipulation and emotional tyranny. Rather than drive a man like a car, consider sailing him like a yacht, driven by wind and tide and see where it takes you. Let us all help each other reach our potential, then we can experience life in all its fullness in a community, based on the principles of balance, agape and truth.

Now I am the first to admit that English alpha males can be ignorant and arrogant and have a skewed version of their history. But then there are many countries where the people can be like that. To be in a society, community or country, it requires that person to be absorbed into the group and accept group principles. It is important, as groups need to be united if they are to achieve their common goals. Rather than start Wars, natural male aggression has traditionally been exorcised at sporting events. Then we can have beer afterwards and make up.

We are social beings and we need to be in community to better ourselves. Sometimes alpha males can be a bit shouty and I suppose that can be a bit intimidating. But it could be a result of not being heard, which is also a vital part of everyone’s existence. Accepting that other people have their own opinions is vital in society. We cannot function in relationships if we do not see life from other people’s point of view. Life is merely a view taken from one person’s perspective, we all have different realities. Any memorable event will be appreciated by different people in entirely different ways. Our view of the truth will always vary, as we all vary. Different genes, gender, culture, desires, issues, language, viewpoint and relationship all affect the truth. And why not, that gives us a rich tapestry of life. That is the nature of reality, it is different for all of us. That is why communication is so essential, so we can unite and share our realities. Then we can agree on common goals and live to mutual advantage. By agreeing a contract or deal. There is no-one that is perfect and we all lie sometimes to protect ourselves, from punishment and misunderstanding.

This website promotes balance, agape and truth. It is not meant to be an absolute iron rule, but a principle that is worth aiming for. To live in unity, equality and freedom, we need to realise that we will never achieve it. But together we can walk on the path of life to that goal together. We will always fail to meet the demands we set ourselves. Never mind, learn the lesson, shake the dust off and get stuck in and do it better.

Life is about failing and learning, we never learn much from success, mostly from failure. We can also learn from others, there is a vast library of wisdom that is saved for our development. It is called books, old and new. None of it is exactly what we need, but there are different parts that may be helpful. It is better to have two slightly conflicting philosophies in tension, perhaps something like science and religion. Then we will be able to view both sides. With the two conflicting ideas we will be able to apply our skills of wisdom, judgement and timing, and then reach an individual plan for our lives and maybe the lives of others.

The point of this website is to seek a better life for ourselves and the lives of those around us. Because we are all individuals and we much better people when we seek to improve ourselves and help those around us. Education to think for ourselves, a moral code and wisdom to know how and when to apply it.

The thing about a moral code is that it does require some flexibility at times. In times of stress or danger it is important to realise that different principles may apply. At these times we may find that our personality has made an adjustment. It may be necessary to adjust our lifestyle and the way we deal with people. There are times when we may be friendly to someone and other times that a strong word is required. It is not always what we do, but the way that we do it. But these things should be allied with reason, logic and wisdom. And always there needs to be a moment when we need to apologise. Rightly or wrongly.

So, us men are not all the same. If you think we are all then we are not going to develop. Why not see what happens if we develop ourselves. Some may prefer to remain to develop as part of a group and that is fine. But others are individuals, and think separately and uniquely.

To assume we are all the same for convenience sake may be denying the truth and the individuals personal freedom. Do not assume, as this often leads to disaster. Do not have a view about someone and seek to justify that view through every incident. That is called cognitive dissonance. When people fall out, don’t protect yourself with lies and don’t condemn with resentment, that is how bad relationships continue.

In relationships, open and honest communication is the best way. Face to face talking is the bedrock of any relationship. People speak with their facial expressions, body language and voice intonation, often unconsciously. That is the best way and the first way to deal with a relationship. Any other way is imperfect, even on the telephone you cannot be sure you are talking to the right person. Don’t even get me started with social media!

One of the most important emotional requirements for any person, is to be heard. Not just listened to, but good reflective and empathic listening. Then the person concerned knows that they are not alone and are communicating.

Carl Rogers was a great psychologist who started person centred counselling. It is a simple philosophy that is summed up in three principles. Empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard. He listened honestly and accepted the person as they were. It is not really counselling, it is just delivering a simple human need. We all need it in society.

We don’t need to over-complicate our relationships. If we accept ourselves first and then others, we will understand our strengths and weaknesses. Then we can work together in a team to take on all-comers. We might not win every time, but we can enjoy ourselves better in acceptance and truth, whatever that means for the individual and the group.

Life is for the living. Accept yourself in strength and weakness, accept yourself in normality and at times of stress. It can only improve your life and you may even be free. But do not threaten others freedom. If there is someone who you need to make up with, do it before it’s too late. Forgiveness is very important, and it comes from two sides. Whatever he said, she said does not really matter, accepting each other is important. You don’t have to like the person, you don’t have make friends with that person, but you might. But you do need to resolve your differences, this will help both of you find freedom.

The world is dying and without unity we cannot fight to save it. That is the human condition to struggle to stay alive. It is not a hand to mouth existence any more, but we need to wake up from our selfishness and protect human life together.

There is no absolute truth in this world, only a view that we must take. We must realise that we can be wrong sometimes. But when it comes to people describing their thoughts, beliefs, desires and anything about their lives, do not tell them that they are wrong. It is their life and they can describe it any way they like, because it is theirs to discover and develop not yours. Their path is personal, and you cannot tell them how to live their lives unless you have permission. If you want something from them, try asking, they may be able to find a better plan than yours. After all they are the only person that really knows themselves and what they are capable of. Forcing someone into a plan that they do not accept is not a relationship it is coercion.

If you have an issue with a person’s behaviour, consider what would happen if you take that away. There may aspects of that person that are beneficial that you will also lose. Consider getting stronger yourself, to handle the bad aspects, you may find you appreciate the good aspects better.

So, if you want something from someone, try asking. Tell them what you want and if they can and want to help, agree on a plan and a price. Shake hands on the deal and get it done. It’s not rocket science is it! Its life, and the way things get done properly.

Conway-Laird (2017)

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